Won’t somebody think of the children?
So that court case between Epic Games and Apple is currently underway and Apple’s legal professionals are arguing that Epic doesn’t care about the sort of depravity that slips through the cracks due to their less stringent policies, previously citing the sexually explicit content available on the Itch.io marketplace (currently accessible via download from the Epic Games Store).
So, obviously, they had to discuss Fortnite’s Peely the banana. For the uninitiated, Peely is one of the playable characters in Fortnite, he is also an anthropomorphic banana.
Here’s some actual things, said in an actual court of law, during an actual court case, between mega-corporations:
Apple attorney: We have in front of us a new set of images, and what is this screen showing?
Epic VP of Marketing Matthew Weissinger: This is your matchmaking lobby.
Attorney: And we have a large yellow banana here, don’t we? In a tuxedo?
Weissinger: Yes. That is Peely.
Attorney: And that’s Peely, did you say?
Weissinger: Yeah.
Attorney: And in fact, in the tuxedo, he’s known as Agent Peely, correct?
Weissinger: That’s correct.
Attorney: We thought it better to go with the suit than the naked banana, since we are in federal court this morning.
I mean, of course, federal court is no place for a naked banana. Federal court is a serious place, no anthropomorphic fruit porn allowed. And if you thought that was all anyone had to say about Peely, Epic decided the subject required a revisit, for important legal reasons:
Epic attorney: A little bit of a digression. We talked about Peely? Our banana? Remember that?
Weissinger: I do.
Attorney: And there might have been an implication that to show Peely without a suit would have been inappropriate. Do you recall that?
Weissinger: Yes.
Attorney: Is there anything inappropriate about Peely without a suit?
Weissinger: No, there is not.
Attorney: If we could just put on the screen a picture of Peely — is there anything inappropriate about Peely without clothes?
Weissinger: It’s just a banana, ma’am.
If you were wondering what scandalous version of Peely they were referring to:
This is the real reason why people study law.
Via The Verge.