There are two types of TMNT games in this world: the ones that make you feel like a pizza-loving ninja legend and the ones that make you question why you ever left the safety of the sewer.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants Unleashed tragically falls into this latter camp, joining the ranks of TMNT games that should have stayed in their shells.
If you were expecting a cowabunga-level experience, like I was going into this review, you should recalibrate to something closer to shell-shocked disappointment.
When Mutant Mayhem hit theatres last year, I was all in – art style. Brilliant. Humour? Chef’s kiss. Story? Classic TMNT chaos. So, when Mutants Unleashed was announced with promises of carrying over that same vibe, I was ready to leap into action.
Last week, the review game landed on my lap, and without hesitation, I grabbed my partner, a lifelong TMNT fan who used to rock a Michelangelo costume like he was a long lost Turtle himself, and headed into what, in my mind, was going to be a weekend filled with nothing but a great TMNT vibe and lots of pizza.
But from the moment we booted up the game, the cracks in the ooze-slicked shell began to show – and spoiler alert: they’re big enough to fit Shredder’s entire Foot Clan through.
Picking up where Mutant Mayhem left off, Mutants Unleashed drops us into a New York City where mutants and humans are chillin’ together in a judgment-free zone. Well, until things go sideways (because, of course, they do), and new mutants – dubbed Mewbies start popping up everywhere and behaving badly.
On paper, it sounds like a setup for a great time. Two-player co-op, fast-paced combat, the ability to run around as your favourite Turtle, but when you start slicing into it, the whole thing tastes like stale crust.
Remember that slick, unique art style from Mutant Mayhem? Well, it’s there, but the moment the action kicks off, and you can’t tell your turtle from an enemy from the edge of a map, it’s not even close to as charming anymore.
Couple that with some of the worst camera angles since 007’s GoldenEye, and you’ll be squinting at the screen, wondering if you’re controlling a Turtle or a mutant-shaped blob.
The entire game is visual chaos in the worst way, and even Splinter couldn’t guide you through it. Then we get to the combat.
TMNT games are supposed to have fluid and fun combat, but Mutants Unleashed delivers a combat system that’s about as rewarding as trying to teach Bebop and Rocksteady how to use chopsticks.
The game throws waves of Mewbie mutants at you, and instead of feeling like a martial arts master, you’re left mashing buttons like you’re in a ’90s arcade with sticky controls.
The game also tries to sell you on a skill tree, but why bother? You’ll end up spamming the basic attack and calling it a day. Sure, there are cool moves and combos to unlock, but when enemies drop like flies and the camera can’t even show you who you’re supposed to be fighting, the strategy goes right out the window.
And then, perhaps the biggest frustration of all: In a twist, no one saw coming, the biggest villain in Mutants Unleashed isn’t Shredder, Krang, or some new mutant menace – it’s the loading screens. And they’re everywhere.
Remember when games started phasing those out? Mutants Unleashed somehow missed that memo, and you’ll spend more time staring at the same dull loading screen than actually playing the game.
And I’m not even exaggerating. At a stage, my partner confidently turned around and declared at least 60% of the game’s promised game time must be thanks to forcing players through this loading screen hell – and truthfully, he’s not wrong.
Finally, there’s the cop-op. Usually, I’m all about couch co-op, especially when it involves the Turtles. But here? Even that’s a shell of what it should be.
Instead of dynamic, fun moments of teamwork, you get cramped spaces, short fights, and a second player who’s basically just being dragged along for the ride.
The very few missions that make sense for co-op are ruined by the same issues plaguing the rest of the game – lousy pacing, sloppy combat, and a camera that’s determined to ruin your day.
At its core, Mutants Unleashed wants to tell a story about the Turtles trying to keep the peace between humans and mutants. It’s a cool concept, but the execution is about as flat as it comes.
You’ll jump between missions, navigating short, linear levels littered with invisible walls and barriers that prevent any meaningful exploration.
And while the environments look like they should be fun to explore, the game funnels you down narrow paths faster than you can say “Turtle Power!”
At the end of the day, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants Unleashed is the kind of game I really wanted to like but just… can’t.
With clunky combat, painful camera angles, a plot that’s more tedious than tubular, and co-op that feels like a missed opportunity, this game left me wishing I’d spent my time rewatching the Mutant Mayhem movie instead.
