Convicted murder-for-hire guy, unironic mullet fan, and failed presidential candidate because let’s not forget that one Joseph “Joe Exotic” Allen Maldonado-Passage had a limo waiting outside FMC Fort Worth prison in Texas last night, according to his legal team, “confident” that he’d get a pardon from the Ku Klux Klown. He didn’t. SAD!
As the two-times impeached Trump preps to exit the White House and end his four-year tenure of unprecedented stupidity, he’s issued over 140 pardons to family and accomplices acquaintances and also some federal inmates so it doesn’t look too sus. For whatever reason – delusion, meth, a magic wish, you choose – Joe Exotic totally expected to be one of them. This is the same dude who wrote a letter to reality TV star Kim Kardashian and asked her to “take 10 minutes out of your life and call president Trump to look at my 259-page pardon with all the evidence I’m innocent” so we can’t pretend to know his mental process.
“This time tomorrow, we’re going to be celebrating,” his private investigator Eric Love told Metro this week. “We have good reason to believe it will come through. We’re confident enough we already have a limousine parked about half a mile from the prison. We are really in action mode right now.
“I’ve got makeup, wardrobe, the whole unit that will come up. The first thing Joe wants to do he wants his hair done. He hasn’t had his hair done in two and a half years. That’s the first order of business. Then we’ll probably go and get some pizzas, steak, maybe a McRib.”
Or maybe Carol Baskin? It’s irrelevant now, I guess.
Joe Exotic was busted on 17 counts of animal abuse and two counts of murder-for-hire in 2019, and sentenced to 22 years in the big house. So that’s 21 more years to go.